Mandatory Joy Initiative Receives Mandatory Enthusiasm
In a move that feels ripped from a dystopian satirical novel, the Portland City Council unanimously voted to implement a mandatory “Fun Hour” every Wednesday afternoon, requiring all citizens within city limits to stop what they’re doing and engage in state-approved recreational activities. Failure to participate may result in fines up to $200, proving once and for all that nothing kills joy quite like making it compulsory.
The legislation, officially titled the “Community Wellness Through Enforced Recreation Act,” mandates that between 3 PM and 4 PM every Wednesday, residents must engage in activities from an approved list including hopscotch, interpretive dance, mandatory laughter sessions, and something called “aggressive smiling.” Mayor Christina Horvath defended the controversial ordinance during a press conference where her smile looked suspiciously like it was being held at gunpoint.
“We’ve noticed that Portland residents aren’t having enough fun,” Horvath explained, seemingly unaware of the irony of her statement. “Happiness levels have dropped according to our quarterly surveys, so we’re taking decisive action. The mandatory fun hour will restore our city’s reputation as a place where people enjoy themselves, whether they want to or not.”
The city has hired fifty “Joy Enforcement Officers” tasked with patrolling streets during Fun Hour to ensure compliance. These officers, equipped with whistles, smile measurement tools, and an unsettling amount of enthusiasm, will issue citations to anyone caught working, frowning, or engaging in unauthorized seriousness. Early reports suggest the officers themselves appear deeply unhappy with their assignments, creating a feedback loop of performative cheerfulness that would make George Orwell reach for his notepad.
Local business owners have expressed concerns about the economic impact of mandatory fun, noting that losing an hour of productivity every week might affect their bottom line. The city council’s response? “Productivity is exactly the kind of thinking we’re trying to discourage during Fun Hour,” said Councilmember David Park. “We need people focused on joy, not spreadsheets. There will be plenty of time for economic anxiety during the other 167 hours of the week.”
First reports from yesterday’s inaugural Fun Hour describe streets filled with adults awkwardly jumping rope, forced group hugs between strangers, and what witnesses described as “the saddest conga line in human history.” One participant, speaking on condition of anonymity, whispered, “I’ve never felt less fun in my entire life, and I once attended a four-hour timeshare presentation.” City officials declared the event a resounding success and announced they’re already considering expanding Fun Hour to twice weekly, because if one hour of mandatory joy is good, two must be better.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/city-mandates-fun-hour-citizens-pretend/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/city-mandates-fun-hour-citizens-pretend/)
