When Foreign Policy Meets Choose Your Own Adventure
The State Department has unveiled its new erratic diplomacy initiative, a bold foreign policy approach that replaces predictability with surprise and consistency with “seeing what happens.” Diplomats worldwide are adjusting to a system where international relations operate on the same principles as a mood ring.
“Why should our allies know what we’re thinking?” explained one anonymous official while spinning in an office chair. “Mystery is the spice of diplomatic life.” The new protocol involves making policy decisions using a combination of coin flips, Magic 8-Balls, and whatever the President tweets between 3 and 5 AM. Foreign policy experts at the Council on Foreign Relations describe the approach as “unprecedented” and “possibly unconstitutional.”
Allied nations have responded by developing elaborate prediction models attempting to forecast American positions, with some governments hiring fortune tellers and astrologers as strategic consultants. The European Union reportedly maintains a 24-hour situation room dedicated solely to interpreting cryptic social media posts.
Trade negotiations have become particularly entertaining, with one recent summit ending when the U.S. delegation abruptly pivoted from discussing tariffs to debating whether hot dogs are sandwiches. Partners from the WTO are considering mandatory therapy sessions for negotiators suffering from diplomatic whiplash.
Critics argue this approach undermines decades of carefully constructed international frameworks, while supporters counter that frameworks are boring and probably invented by nerds anyway. The United Nations has added a new agenda item titled “What is America Doing This Week?” which typically requires the full two-hour session. Analysts from Brookings Institution have published seventeen papers attempting to find patterns in the chaos, concluding that the only pattern is there is no pattern.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/erratic-diplomacy/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/erratic-diplomacy/)
