Because Why Wait for 2024 to Be Over?
Political strategists have already launched the Kamala Harris 2028 campaign, because apparently learning from the last election is for quitters. The campaign headquarters opened this week in a building conveniently located next door to a therapy office, which consultants describe as “synergistic planning.”
“Sure, 2024 just happened, but 2028 is only three years away,” explained campaign manager Robert Chen while stress-eating a family-size bag of chips. “We’re getting ahead of the curve this time, assuming the curve hasn’t learned to avoid us entirely.” Early polling data from RealClearPolitics shows voters responding to the news with confusion and a strong desire to talk about literally anything else.
The campaign strategy involves doing everything exactly the same as last time but expecting different results, a approach that psychologists have traditionally associated with a different term. Focus groups have been assembled to determine which messaging failed to resonate in 2024, after which that messaging will be amplified for 2028.
Donors expressed enthusiasm for contributing to another campaign, in the same way people express enthusiasm for root canals. “I love writing checks that accomplish nothing,” said one major bundler who requested anonymity and a strong drink. Political analysts at The Hill note this represents unprecedented optimism, or possibly unprecedented denial—the jury is still out.
The launch event featured all the hallmarks of modern campaigning: vague platitudes, corporate sponsors pretending to care about democracy, and a balloon drop that happened fifteen minutes too early. Critics argue that maybe Democrats should focus on winning state legislature races or developing coherent policy positions, but that kind of pragmatic thinking has no place in presidential politics. Experts from FiveThirtyEight have already begun building predictive models, which currently show a 100% chance of everyone being exhausted before 2027 even begins.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/kamala-harris-2028/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/kamala-harris-2028/)
