Homeowners Associations Declare War on Fun
A bizarre trend has swept through Portland’s suburban neighborhoods, with homeowners spontaneously converting their front lawns into elaborate miniature golf courses complete with windmills, loop-de-loops, and that annoying clown mouth obstacle that’s been traumatizing children since 1952. What started as one creative homeowner’s quarantine project has metastasized into a full-scale suburban rebellion against manicured grass monotony, much to the horror of local homeowners associations who are clutching their property value projections in despair.
The movement began six weeks ago when software engineer Lisa Patel grew tired of mowing her lawn and decided to install a nine-hole mini golf course instead. Within days, neighbors followed suit, apparently discovering that putting greens require less maintenance than traditional lawns and provide significantly more entertainment value. Now entire cul-de-sacs have transformed into interconnected golf courses, with some homeowners designing holes that extend across multiple properties in what real estate agents are nervously calling “community collaboration.”
Local homeowners associations have responded with the righteous fury of people whose entire identity revolves around enforcing arbitrary lawn length regulations. The Sunset Hills HOA issued seventeen cease-and-desist letters in a single day, citing violations of the community’s “Uniform Aesthetic Standards” which apparently require all front yards to be “boring, green, and utterly devoid of whimsy.” HOA president Gerald Hutchinson called the suburban mini golf trend “an assault on property values and common decency,” which seems like a dramatic response to decorative windmills.
“This is a slippery slope,” Hutchinson warned during an emergency HOA meeting. “Today it’s mini golf, tomorrow it could be vegetable gardens or children playing outdoors. Where does it end?” When asked whether residents might actually prefer living in a neighborhood with character and recreational opportunities, Hutchinson responded that homeowners association rules exist for a reason, though he struggled to articulate what that reason was beyond “because I said so.”
The mini golf homeowners have banded together to form the “Fairway Liberation Front,” arguing that private property rights should include the freedom to install completely impractical lawn decorations. “I pay the mortgage, I should be able to build a mini golf course if I want,” declared Marcus Chen, whose front yard now features a particularly challenging par-three with a functioning water hazard made from a repurposed kiddie pool. “Besides, our property values haven’t dropped. They’ve increased because people actually want to live somewhere fun.”
Real estate data appears to support this claim, with homes in mini golf neighborhoods selling 15% faster than traditional suburban properties, suggesting that buyers prefer personality over conformity. Several families have relocated specifically to join the mini golf community, citing the appeal of neighborhoods where people actually interact with each other instead of hiding behind identical shrubs. One family drove across three states after seeing TikTok videos of the courses, proving that viral marketing works even when you’re not trying.
The city council has scheduled a hearing next month to address the controversy, though early polling suggests public opinion heavily favors the mini golf revolutionaries. Meanwhile, traditional lawn care companies have pivoted to offering mini golf installation services, and sporting goods stores report selling out of putters. The Hutchinsons of the world may resist, but it appears the fairway revolution is here to stay. Game on, suburbia.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/suburban-lawns-become-mini-golf-courses/
SOURCE: Bohiney.com (https://bohiney.com/suburban-lawns-become-mini-golf-courses/)
